Brainstorming
I want to start working out 2-3x per week apart from my dance practices (also 3x per week). The best days for this would be:
- Monday afternoon/evening (after class which gets out at 11:30am, or after class which gets out at 6pm)
- Wednesday afternoon/evening (either after class at 11:30am, or before dance practice which starts at 8). At the gym I could do iBurn or outdoor yoga!
- Friday afternoon (after class at 11:30am, or late afternoon if I get lunch with the guys). At the gym I could do ‘wildcard’(?) or outdoor yoga!
- Saturday whenever I’m not working
- Sunday any time
- **NOT Tuesday or Thursday because I need my energy for those practices**
VERDICT: Gym Monday at 11:45 (cardio for now), Wednesday 11:45 (yoga or iburn class).
it’s all different now
my boyfriend doesn’t like this movie so I’ve decided to break up with him
For the longest time
Over the last year, I’ve watched my roommate gradually lose 20lbs just by cooking at home more often and being more conscious of the times she eats.
I, however, began to eat much crappier foods than I ever have before. I was tired of trying to eat only healthy food and maintaining a higher weight than I wanted. My weight hasn’t changed, but my wallet has suffered from so much eating out and I feel less energetic than I know I can.
I want to make a conscious effort to start feeding my body better foods so that I can feel good about the things that I’m eating. Indulging shouldn’t necessarily be an every day thing for me. I should honor my cravings but I need to think more critically about what I’m eating on a daily basis.
I had a big realization recently when I had a day off of work: without drinking coffee, I never feel truly awake, even later on in the day. I do not want that to be something I become dependent on. I want to to be something that I can drink when I really need it and have it give me a boost.
My aim is to start making green smoothies (YUM!!) more often now that I have the time, and cooking things like fish and vegetables in the evenings, or even making homemade burgers where I can control the kind of beef and amount of cheese and condiments instead of just going to wendy’s. It’ll take a little more foresight and effort but this is a habit that I’m going to have to make at some point in my life, and there is no time like the present. Plus, think of the money I’ll save ;)
I have a mighty love for this article
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/tips/why-you-should-wait-to-have-children
also this one
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/
155lbs today! That’s awesome, considering last time I weighed myself I was around 163lbs. I haven’t made much effort to eat better or be more physically active lately, so it’s even more interesting. I think it may have to do with the fact that I’ve been drinking less and going to bed earlier (and getting more/better sleep!). I’d like to be back down to 140lbs by summer’s end. With my roommate who always leaves the kitchen a mess gone, it should be easier to cook for myself at home! Plus I’ll only be working instead of having school and club obligations to care for. This summer will be nice and manageable, and hopefully I can make healthy habits for myself that I’ll be able to carry into the next academic year.
Photos
I had my dance show Friday and we took a lot of photos at both of the dress rehearsals the day before and of and I… it’s weird. I don’t look in pictures the way I look to myself in the mirror. I look at myself in the mirror and think, “yeah, I look okay. Not too shabby,” but pictures are a different story. I look bad. Of course, there are a few nice pictures when I’m posing well, and I can take nice selfies to no tomorrow. But pictures that other people take, especially candids… there’s no hiding from that. It’s not cute. I’m tired of being embarassed of my upper arms, thighs, and the way that I hold weight in my face.
I can fool myself into thinking that my activity level and eating habits are okay all that I want, because that’s what telling myself that I look gorgeous does. And don’t get me wrong, I still think that I’m pretty and all that. I just can’t delude myself in order to justify not being healthy anymore.
update things: skin baring and soul sharing
I’ve decided “heck with it” and began showing ever-more skin lately. Shorts? Mhm. Skirts? Yes please. Sleeveless button downs tied as crop tops? My uniform. Actual crop tops? When I’m feeling brave.
After 21 years of self-consciousness, I’ve decided to say “to hell with it” to the florida heat. I’m vigilant about making sure that I don’t look tubby in the things that I wear (a personal barometer at best), but my stomach has been (relatively) flat so all bets are off. I’ve actually been on the receiving end of way more clothing compliments than ever lately! Go me!
I went through a hard breakup a few weeks ago, but tonight I think I’m starting to really come out on the other side. For a long time I thought that the person I tried to be to feel “good enough” to be the lady by his side was the person that I was never motivated enough to be for myself (I must be clear that he never personally made me feel unworthy). I thought that I needed him to actualize my full potential, and that without him that I’d be lost and adrift and so unsure of what to do with myself.
I realize now that I denied myself the things that I liked because he didn’t see merit in them. He never outrightly put down anything that I did, but sometimes we’d get in discussions about things and he’d express that he didn’t really see why people pursued it (like fashion, how it is very superficial and doesn’t really contribute anything valuable to society) because it inherently has no meaning. But, y'know, nothing inherently has meaning (at least to me–begrudging existential nihilist here). If playing dress up makes me happy, then why not?? If that’s the way I want to spend my time, then that’s how I’m going to spend my time! I started to feel like I wasn’t happy with my life without him, but that’s because I felt wrong about things making me happy that he didn’t approve of, because he had seemingly-sound logical arguments so I thought that he was right. He never asked me to indoctrinate myself to his opinions, but I did, and it wasn’t a healthy thing for me.
I keep idealizing the happy times that he and I had together, and man there were some great times. But at what cost did they come? I sacrificed and he didn’t (albeit he never asked me to). He was always busy with school, and I was always waiting. We had some great times when we were together, but a lot of times I was on edge because I had this horrible feeling that I would fuck it up. The irony that my worry that I’d ruin the relationship was actually one of the things that ended up spoiling it in and of itself.
I don’t need him. I don’t need a man. I may want one, and sometimes it may overwhelm me and feel like it’s the only thing that it’ll make me happy. But it’s not. It’s a want, and a mighty one at that, but I can and will survive without someone to hold my hand and kiss me and listen to me talk about my day.
I’ll be okay. It might not always feel like it, but I’ll be okay.